A Thanksgiving Study in Gravy Catastrophe.
Thanksgiving isn’t just about food—it’s about physics. Specifically, the way mashed potatoes interact with gravy in ways that defy containment, logic, and family harmony. This is not a meal. This is a lab experiment. And the results are always messy.
So today, we rank the Top 10 Gravy Flow Events observed in the wild. Because mashed potatoes aren’t just a side dish—they’re a containment system. A flawed one.
🥇 1. The Levee Breach
You built a potato wall. You believed in it. The gravy believed in gravity.
“Your dam failed. Your plate is now a floodplain.”
🥈 2. The Sinkhole
You carved a crater. You poured too much. The gravy disappeared instantly.
“Where did it go? Into the void. Into your soul.”
🥉 3. The Overflow
You thought the crater was big enough. It wasn’t.
“Your gravy is now colonizing the turkey sector.”
4. The Delta Formation
Multiple streams branching out, creating tributaries across the plate.
“Congratulations. You invented plate geography.”
5. The Structural Collapse
Your potato walls crumbled under pressure.
“You engineered with hubris. You ate with regret.”
6. The Spoonquake
One careless scoop destabilized the entire system.
“You triggered a gravy landslide. Casualties: stuffing.”
7. The Cross-Contamination
Gravy breached into cranberry sauce territory.
“You mixed sweet and savory. You created chaos.”
8. The Double Dam
Two potato walls, one false sense of security.
“You delayed disaster. You did not prevent it.”
9. The Puzzle Plate
Gravy carefully contained in multiple potato compartments.
“You achieved order. But at what cost to flavor?”
10. The Catastrophic Release
You poked one hole. Everything collapsed.
“You were the architect of your own destruction.”
Honorable Mentions
- The “Gravy Tsunami” (when someone bumps the table)
- The “Platequake” (when the plate itself tilts)
- The “Fork Canal” (when you carve a gravy river on purpose)
Mashed potatoes are not food. They are infrastructure. And every Thanksgiving, we test them. Spoiler: they fail. But at least they fail deliciously.
“We have had the exact same meal for Thanksgiving and Christmas since I can ever remember, and it’s so simple. It’s just turkey and mashed potatoes and green beans and stuffing. Just the basics, but it’s so good.”
— Brandi Cyrus