Because not even telekinesis can fix a frozen screen.
Superpowers are great for saving cities, bending time, and impressing dates. But in the realm of Zoom meetings—where the mute button reigns supreme and your cat is your only sidekick—some powers just don’t translate. We’ve gathered the ones that, despite their cosmic potential, would leave you just as bored, pixelated, and emotionally unmuted as the rest of us.
10. Invisibility
Perfect for sneaking past villains. Terrible for status updates. You’re either “not here” or “just a floating voice with no accountability.”
9. Super Speed
You can finish the meeting in 0.3 seconds. Unfortunately, everyone else still needs 45 minutes to say “Let’s circle back.”
8. X-Ray Vision
You can see through walls, but not through vague agendas. And no, it doesn’t help with screen sharing.
7. Telepathy
You know what everyone’s thinking. It’s mostly “This could’ve been an email” and “Is my camera still on?”
6. Flight
You’re hovering majestically above the city. Your coworkers still think you’re in your kitchen. Also: wind noise.
5. Shape-Shifting
You turned into a majestic falcon. The meeting host still asked you to “drop your thoughts in the chat.”
4. Time Travel
You went back to before the meeting started. It still got rescheduled twice and started late.
3. Super Strength
You can lift a car. You still can’t lift the mood when someone says “Let’s do breakout rooms.”
2. Laser Vision
You melted your keyboard. IT says that’s not covered under warranty.
1. Immortality
You’ll live forever. So will this meeting.
Got a superpower that’s useless in your workday?
Drop it in the comments or tag a friend who shape-shifts into a couch cushion every Monday at 9am. Let’s celebrate the powers we wish we had—and the meetings we wish we didn’t.
“I once defused a nuclear bomb with ten seconds left on the countdown. Those ten seconds moved faster than the last ten minutes of this meeting.”
— Batman, probably, watching the progress bar freeze
